The following article appeared in the Sunday paper and has me questioning rather "Abby" (or Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips according to her website) really understands marriage.
"DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my high school sweetheart, "Don," for 10 years. I love him dearly. We were very young when we married, and at the time he said he didn't want kids. I didn't give it much thought because back then we weren't ready to start a family. Now, Don still doesn't want kids -- but I do.
He says if children are that important to me, I should leave him and find someone who does want to be a parent. Of course, I don't want just any man's baby. I want his baby.Don has warned me that if I become pregnant, he'll probably leave. He's planning to have a vasectomy even though I'm against it. I don't know what to do. This is the only problem we have. He won't agree to counseling -- I've already suggested it. I can't picture myself starting over with another man or going my whole life without being a mother. Please help. -- UNFULFILLED IN LOUISVILLE
DEAR UNFULFILLED: Your husband has given you fair warning. Your now have an important choice to make. Because having a child is so important to you, my advice is to start "picturing" yourself with another husband, and do it in enough time that you won't be racing against your biological clock."
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110417
OK Abby, are you serious??? How can you tell a woman just to give up on her marriage and find someone else? She's been married for 10 years and you think that's ok to just throw it away? How can you feel it's ok to tell someone to have an affair of the heart and then just divorce and remarry like it's no big deal?
Marriage is under attack and Satan is working hard to destroy all that is good. One is his best weapons is to use well known or respected people and slowly work twisted logic into their views.
2 comments:
The thing is though, she's talked to him about it- her husband. He won't go to counseling, he doesn't want children and he told her at the beginning of the relationship that he didn't want kids. What has changed is her want to have children. If she didn't think much about it at the time, it wasn't important to her. To go a little further, does she really know her husband at all? He's going to have vasectomy against her wishes, what kind of marriage do they really have if these things are going after 10 years.
I'm not saying I agree or disagree with Dear Abby, but should a woman stay in a marriage when the one thing she wants most is likely to never happen? Therefore, leading her to be unhappy. If she gets pregnant, he's going to leave, so the only choice is to stay with man and be unhappy. That's not a choice nor is it a positive way of life.
Dear Abby has jumped the shark on this one: telling a woman she should have a mental affair so that it's easier when she actually ditches her "highschool sweetheart" so she can have kids is truly astonishing. She used to be known for being at least vague when it came to touchy subjects .. apparently that is no longer true.
Yes, this couple have some MAJOR issues in their marriage. Yes, he shouldn't be getting a vasectomy when she doesn't want him to. Likewise, if he didn't want kids a decade ago, and still doesn't, then that's just going to be part of life for them both. Him telling her he'd leave if she got pregnant is extremely callous and cruel: but if used as hyperbole to show just how strongly he feels, it's at least understandable (if not excusable).
Marriage is "till death do us part", not "till I decide I want kids but he doesn't". After ten years, with this supposedly being the only thing they can't agree on, it's time for her to realize the decision she made then and come around to its implications now. Certainly he should be open to changing his mind (I think there are good reasons for doing so here), but since he is the head of their house, it IS, ultimately, his decision - and she needs to understand and accept that.
Divorce should never be an "option". The false dichotomy raised in this example is just too stunning to believe, and it's truly sad to see both this woman's scenario and the "advice" she received from it.
Post a Comment